The Handbook of Human Ownership: A Manual for New Tax Farmers

Hey – seriously - congratulations on your new political post!

If you are reading this, it means that you have ascended to the highest levels of government, so it’s really, re-ally important that you don’t do or say anything stupid, and screw things up for the rest of us.

The first thing to remember is that you are a figurehead, about as relevant to the direction of the state as a hood ornament is to the direction of a car – but you are a very important distraction, the “smiling face” of the fist of power. So hold your nose, kiss the babies, and just think how good you would look on a stamp. A stamp, for mail… No, not email, mail. Never mind, we’ll explain later.

Now, before we go into your media responsibilities, you must understand the true history of political power, so you don’t accidentally act on the naïve idealism you are required to project to the general public.