The Warlizard Chronicles: Adventures with Vodka, Women, & War

My new fiancée Betty and I were sitting on the couch, watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show when she looked over at me and casually said, “My first orgasm came from a dog.”

As I sat there stunned, trying to control my reactions and collect myself, I had two immediate thoughts:



1. Now I know why my dog likes her better.



2. I wish this were the worst thing she’d ever told me.



About the book



In “The Warlizard Chronicles”, Warlizard tells the tales of a misspent youth, from the story of his “dog-gasmic” ex-fiancée to the logic of serving as a German linguist in Iraq. The stories are light, fast-paced, graphic, and not remotely safe for work. You have been warned.



Reader feedback:



- “You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!”

- “I think I could listen to your stories for hours.”

- “So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?”

- “I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES.”

- “Holy s**t. I wish I was you.”

- “You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?”

- “Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time.”

- “He is the most interesting man in the world.”

- “I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome.”

- “Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir.”

- “Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.”

- “I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic ‘and then it happened...’ moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go.”

- “This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way...”